GRAND IN SPIRIT: Sue and Chris Bowerman of Mora personify the growing number of big-hearted grandparents who take over parenting roles for jailed children.

Sue and Chris Bowerman were relatively new grandparents when they received a panicked phone call that forever changed their plans for retirement.

It was 2001.Their son was in jail for theft and armed burglary, and the girlfriend he left behind was struggling to take care of their two very young children. At the end of the line was the girlfriend’s distraught mother, with whom the children had been staying. “Can you pick up the grandkids?” she asked, but it really wasn’t a question. “You need to come right away.”

After the incarceration, the young family had reached its breaking point.

Chris Bowerman jumped into his pickup truck. When he arrived, everything the children owned—toys, clothes, diapers, formula—was thrown into garbage bags. As he loaded the bags, he had a sense that this stay might be longer than usual.

He was right. The Bowermans now have legal guardianship of Kalob, 9; Kalista, 8; and Kali, 6.

It’s a story told increasingly often across Minnesota and the U.S. At a time when their friends are taking up hobbies, many grandparents find themselves postponing the days of financial freedom and comfort to revisit a time in their lives they thought had long passed.

“We were still dealing with our own kids, and now we’re parenting their kids,” Sue Bowerman said. “It can cause some pretty rampant emotions, but it’s important to us that they have a family. You need to know where you came from.”

More than 6.7 million kids nationwide are in the care of grandparents or other family members, according to the Minnesota Kinship Caregivers Association (MKCA). That’s compared to about 600,000 in formal foster care. Though no agency tracks the statistics, child advocates say that many are placed with family members when a parent becomes incarcerated.

Although Sue Bowerman considers the second chance at parenting to be a blessing, she quickly realized that past experience offered no shortcuts. And there were few breaks. “We were overwhelmed,” she said. “We didn’t have daycare, we didn’t have car seats, and we didn’t have a lot of money. Their mom relinquished childcare assistance, food stamps and medical assistance. It wasn’t a lot, but it helped.”

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“It's extremely important for relative caregivers to understand that they're the best caregivers for these kids.”
- Sue Bowerman

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The lack of support and services available to grandparents is why Sue Bowerman founded Parenting Again—Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, a support and social networking group in Mora. The group meets monthly and has expanded to include 13 adults and 18 children. Members discuss everyday parenting challenges and listen to guest speakers cover topics like adoption, financial stability, and the pros and cons of allowing visits from biological parents. The grandparents relate not only because of their unique situations, but because many are caring for grandchildren who have mental health issues or disabilities.

Sharon Olson, president of MKCA and vice president of GrandFamilies of America, advocates for the rights of loving grandparents who want to formalize relationships with their grandchildren.Many take over caregiver roles before social service agencies are aware of abuse or neglect situations. Grandparents then risk losing custody of children when courts order foster care with the goal of reunifying children with their parents.

Olson drafted what is now known as Minnesota’s third-party custody law, which helps “de facto” caregivers pursue the best interests of children. When serving in a parental capacity for at least 6 to 12 months, grandparents or other relatives may petition courts for legal custody of a child without parental consent.

Olson said that MKCA is working on new procedures that outline preferred family placements of children when social workers must remove them from their homes. The agency will also propose legislation that provides grandparents with the same financial assistance as foster or adoptive parents.

As for the Bowermans, they have been able to maintain a relationship with their son and the mother of his children, and they now allow them to visit. Money and personal energy are still in short supply.

“It’s extremely important for relative caregivers to understand that they’re the best caregivers for these kids,” Olson said. “It’s their personal stories that show us that we need to change.” IQ